Christmas

Christmas

I’ll start this post with the obvious (apologies if you’re reading this at a later date) by wishing you all a Merry Christmas and a happy and prosperous 2013.

Now for the second obvious thing – what Christmas is?  So many people actually celebrate Christmas who have no idea what they are celebrating and why they are celebrating it.  Simple – Christmas is there to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ.  I won’t go into it any deeper than that, but I’ve heard so many say they don’t believe in Christmas, yet still celebrate it.  If you’ve given any presents, going to eat Christmas dinner, having time off work to spend with your family – then you’ve celebrated Christmas.  For me, Christmas isn’t about getting drunk, spending hundreds of pounds on presents nobody wants or having a big party with loads of people I don’t know, it’s about dealing with a period of days which is like no others in the year.  For me, dealing with something different, and its unknowns is difficult, and I try to relate everything back to normal things, except that never works with Christmas.

Back in the days when I was a bit younger, Christmas was an exciting time.  All the waiting for the big day, to see what presents had been bought for me, and to have time with the family.  Although my family have never really been far away, or indeed far apart, Christmas was generally a time when we all got together.  As an only child, and indeed for a lot of my childhood, the only child, I was the one who perhaps got all the “good” presents.  My oldest cousin is ten years younger than I am, so by the time there was another child in our family at Christmas, a lot of things had moved on.

Even back then, Christmas wasn’t the easiest time.  I always found the bit before Christmas rather boring – Dad generally worked all hours in the day, night, or any other time, and what time he did put aside was generally spent visiting relatives, who we perhaps only saw a few times each year, and so there was generally not much for a young boy to do apart from get bored.  The bit after Christmas turned into finding someone to play with my new toys with.  For us, New Year has always been a bit of a non-event, aside from probably another gathering of some of the same members of the family for another meal.

As I’ve grown up, the excitement is now much less.  By the time I was a teenager, school would finish, and I’d probably be at work with Dad for a few days before Christmas itself.  What always frustrated me, and indeed still does, is the insistence of needing to be at work “just in case something happens.”  It rarely did, and eventually Mum and I would persuade Dad to go home.  I remember one year, in the tough times at work (see other posts), there being a discussion about the answering phone message that would be left over Christmas.  Dad insisted I record our home phone number on it “just in case”.  I had little choice but to do this.  When we finished and went up – I ‘forgot’ something, and once Dad had gone, the answer phone message was re-recorded without the home phone number.  Nobody missed the lack of that number, and it’s never been on our answering machine message since then. 

Today, that situation is much the same, although with a few more people involved in the family business, a decision has a bit more of an impact, but at the end of Christmas Eve, it[‘s always Mum and I pulling Dad away.  I think this year Dad must already be feeling very ill, as there’s talk of not even going to work on Christmas Eve, as it’s a Monday, and even he says “there’s no point for half a day.”  We’ll see what happens…

In the week or so before Christmas, there are still relatives to go and see and catch up with, although some of those have passed on in recent years.  I still find this difficult, although mainly because they are people I don’t know too well, and so I never really know how to handle them sometimes, or what to say.  I have to admit that in recent years, I’ve perhaps steered away from going with my parents on such visits.  This year, I’ve said I will go, and try to cope with it, but it appears that might not be happening as I’m being struck down with (at the moment as I type this), a sore throat and feeling either very hot, or very cold.  Therefore, since these relatives either have children or are fairly old people, I’m keeping clear.  I’m also fairly tired after a day at work.

One thing I’ve never done is go to parties.  For one, I don’t have many friends I could go to a party with, and I don’t get invited to many either.  That doesn’t bother me, as I find large groups difficult, and especially with people I don’t know very well.  The closest I get is either the Christmas lunch at work (which is basically that we go to the pub for lunch instead of having a lunch break and eating sandwiches) – so basically that’s one of the handful of times I actually get a lunch break in a year.  Or, it’s going to some kind of gathering with my parents, usually with people from church who I may not necessarily get on with that well, and generally only be comfortable around certain people.  Even before the issues I’ve talked about in other posts, I’ve tended to avoid these events in recent years, on the basis that they are too much of a fight for me.  This year, I plan to go to a relatively small gathering (as long as I am well enough to), and have already tackled a Carol Service last weekend – another step to coming back to into the House of God, in putting myself in the same room as some of those who made decisions for me in the past which I didn’t agree with (again – see the previous posts).

Work in the week or so before Christmas usually goes either very busy, or is very quiet.  We’ve had both in recent years.  There are usually a few extra visitors leading up to Christmas – perhaps we might get some gifts from our regular customers or suppliers.  One year we had rather a lot of gifts and promotional items that everyone took home 2 or 3 boxes or bottles or something.  Sadly, as economic times have changed, the amount of such items has come down to what I would describe as sensible!  As the person dealing with both customers and suppliers, it can often be a balancing act between them and everything else if we’re busy, or finding things to do if we’re quiet.  I have to say that in recent years, the abnormal things and visits leading up to Christmas have decreased, although the potential to suddenly go from being quiet to being busy certainly hasn’t!

Once we’ve finished work, I try to switch off from it, just as I do on any normal evening or weekend.  That’s more difficult than it sounds, as particularly Dad doesn’t tend to switch off from work until about Boxing Day!  I find it hard enough being asked about work stuff in the middle of a normal weekend, let alone in the middle of Christmas.  For the last couple of years, Christmas has fallen over a weekend, and so 5 days off work has become normal, and hopefully, will be the same this year with not working on Christmas Eve.  That seems better to me, as even my Dad managed a couple of days without work in his ‘system’.  When I was going through the hard times at work, that time when I could face being around my parents once a couple of days had gone by proved that the problems I was facing were from work, and not from being around my parents.

So, growing up, Christmas Day itself has changed somewhat.  For me, going to church on Christmas Day always has been significant.  As a child, it was perhaps just the done thing, but it is significant to me to meet to celebrate the meaning of Christmas.  After that, the presents have been mainly replaced by envelops containing money generally, and there’s not usually much you can do with that on Christmas Day itself.  Dinner is fairly important still, although as I’ve grown older, the family gathering has shrunk.  This year it’s just my parents and I, and so it will probably feel just like a Sunday roast dinner.  After that, Christmas Day has generally seemed much like any other Sunday, except there are not usually many people around on Skype to talk to, or to develop some computer simulations with.  I try to have a couple of ‘projects’ for things to do over Christmas during this free time.  This is the difficult part of Christmas.  Whilst so many are with their families or friends having a good time, I usually find myself at the computer doing the same things I could do on any Sunday afternoon.

The following days are usually much the same still, and my problem is when I reach a stage of wanting to be social, the options are rather limited.  Even when our family does get together, I’m the only one within 10 years of my own age, and those occasions are not common over Christmas.  Most of my friends have their own families, and whilst I try to respect that, it gets frustrating at times when I see what is just like a normal Sunday, but to others, it’s somehow something more, which I am not able to be a part of, or understand particularly well.

Between Christmas and New Year, it’s back to work for a few days, and that’s just like the run up to Christmas – very busy or very quiet.  The situation is much the same too.  It’s usually hard work for me – once I get my head into work again, it’s time to stop for New Year.  This break is less significant to me.  I haven’t always stayed up to see midnight if there’s been nothing keeping me up.  The days off work are just like more Sundays, with just the same battles as the days over Christmas.  The only break is the day of the model railway club’s exhibition, which is a good way to get out of the house and do something completely different for a day.  Aside from that day, I’m usually doing things by myself, or maybe with the odd person who pops up online to talk to or do something with.  Again, I try to have something lined up to fill the time.

Once 2 January comes around, it’s back to work and carrying on with normality like nothing much happened.  At least then, I’ve got an idea what’s going on from day to day, and there aren’t loads of Sundays thrown in.

I don’t know what you think to Christmas, but that’s my thoughts.  This year, I’m trying to fight some of the more difficult parts in the run up to Christmas, but I expect the bit afterwards will drag again.  I’m trying to find a couple of things to do between Christmas and New Year, and to take the two days off work.  If I can find something, then I will go through the public enquiry into me wanting time off, and get rid of the need to battle for two days stuck in the middle of a week and a half of Sundays.  If not, then it’ll be fighting whatever work throws at me.

Just remember the second paragraph – why we actually celebrate Christmas, and go through all of this.